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So exhausted [11 Feb 2009|10:48pm] [ mood | exhausted ] I am training again at work in a new job role and I am liking it, loving the training actually but just hating the fact I havent had a day off in 8 days and I still have 2 more days lol. The job role I am doing or will be doing if I pass my training is a bit of a inhouse employment meaning you cant apply for it if you dont already work for the company. Its what is called a coin room attendant and it basically is handling all the clubs cash which is cool cause means I have my hands on a hell of a lot of money but its weird I dont see it as money I just look at it all there in the safe and see it as units and pieces and count it as such. Probably a lucky thing I do see it that way otherwise I would freak out at the large amount of it and panic and not be able to do my job LOL post comment

Major Slack Arse! [02 Feb 2009|11:25pm] [ mood | lethargic ] I have been such a slack arse lately I havent even been signing into my journal let alone writing anything in it. Silly woman I am I used to love writing my journal so much but just been to lazy or busy or both to do it lately. ( Read more... )     </div> 1 comment|post comment

Exhaustion [16 Dec 2008|09:08pm] [ mood | exhausted ] OMG I so dont know how Rahni does it. She is mother to 2 kids and has a job and has a house to run and has a partner who need supervision at times LOL and she still manages to look happy and full of life! bitch LOL I spend 2 days with them and I am a train wreck LOL Love you Rahni your the most amazing woman my dear! 10 comments|post comment

hhhhmmmm [11 Dec 2008|11:12pm] [ mood | confused ] I ran into a guy I used to hang with the other week, I not sure if I mentioned it or not but he called into the club where I work tonight and we chatted a little and he asked me to go have a drink with him after I finished, I agreed but was a little nervous..............why? Well this guy is someone I used to fool around with on occasions in a sexual way and he was and still is very very very bloody cute looking and fun to hang with. I knew he would get a little flirty and I knew I probably would let him a little so am I mean for going, I know he also has broken up with his ex last month and is dealing with loosing every day access to his 3yrold son and I felt sorry for him so I went with him to the pub and we just sat and chatted he talked alot about his son and how hard he is finding it not seeing him every day like he used to but he is still happy he gets to see him 4 days a week so its better than nothing and he is just going on about how much he changed to be with his son and how bad it was with the mother and how he is glad thou that they can atleast still be friends for the kids sake and blah blah blah I was listening lol I just dont feel like typing it all LOL. He flirted a bit but I stopped him and didnt flirt back, I referred the conversation to Patrick (my boyfriend) a fair bit and he knows I have a boyfriend and every time my phone beeped with a text message he kept asking is that your boyfriend checking up on ya? It wasnt I hadnt spoke to Patrick today and I told him no its not him. He walked me home (which is only a small detour from his place, which was nice cause we dont live in the best area LOL) and I gave him my number told him to text me when he got home to let me know he was alright and gave him a hug, he tried to kiss me a bit but I stopped him and said no cant do that, he said fine just wanted to try LOL. So now I am thinking do I have something in this night that I should tell Patrick about??? I didnt do anything with this guy just chatted (granted a little about the times we had together LOL but in no way did I suggest I would want to re-enact those days) and he mainly spoke and sounded sad about his son. Should I say something to patrick? Obviously not tell him that this guy tried to kiss me but should I even mentioned I ran into him or that we had a drink together?? Whats the normal protocol for his sort of stuff, I like this guy he is a cool guy but I dont want anything to happen with him cause I like Patrick but I do wanna be a mate with this guy providing he dont try anything. 2 comments|post comment

Because Im a slack ass..........catch up is here! [08 Dec 2008|07:23pm] [ mood | hungry ] I have been real slack about updating my journal and believe me I know I have cause my best mate Rahni keeps reminding me to update it for her to read it LOL so here we go Rahni here is your update LOL I have been busy working and getting ready for christmas, I have just got 2 more things to definatley get and perhaps a few small hampers depending on whether or not I go out to my Aunts place on Christmas day. I have my staff christmas party tomorrow night and it is the first party Patrick and I are attending together. It is exciting yet nervous about it. I am gonna have so much fun being able to catch up with some work mates outside of actually working and have a few drinks with them. I have purchased a dress off ebay.........Rahni has seen it she has approved it too LOL and I am excited to be wearing it I know me wearing a dress but it is just so pretty. I have a house/unit inspection in the morning and I have had to take my girl miss Isis to the vets over night, she was not impressed and wouldnt go in the carry case really easy LOL. My other best friend Lori and her husband Andy who is another best mate of mine are moving back to Sydney! I am so excited...........its not the best reasons as to why they are moving back but that is just something we need to deal with and the main thing is I will have all my 3 nephews in the one state again and I will have Lori and Andy close by again to see more often than just a random trip when Im too stressed with the city LOL. I am contemplating a new tattoo...................still LOL I wanna get a set of angel wings on my back that incorporate the Heartagram I already have there...........still not sure what sort of wings exactly but I will not rush into it. I just booked tickets for me and my gay hubby Steve to go to see Priscilla the muscial this wednesday! So excited I cant wait to see it and I am glad Im seeing it with Steve. I made friends with the kids in my unit block this afternoon, I was going for a walk to the shops when they stopped me and asked me to check my balcony for one of their balls they threw into the air, apparently it was a Hulk ball that was brought from BigW so James the little FOB told me LOL and when I got back from the shop they asked me to check again and I said I would go up look and throw it down to them, ok ok maybe I wanted to peg it at one of their heads just for fun but I didnt tell them that nor did I find the ball, they didnt believe me so I said come on up and check for yourself so they did! all of them! LOL 5 kids trape into my unit and check the balcony for the missing Hulk ball from BigW but as I said it wasnt there so then they were leaving and proceeded to notice my christmas tree then ask me why I had a black tree and who were all the presents were for and what they were and how many kids do I have and why dont I have a husband LOL man I swear to god (if I belived in him LOL) even the kids are on my back about marriage now LOL Oh well Rahni consider this a bit of an update..............for now! LOL Love you Rahni 2 comments|post comment

Had a bad day again. [21 Nov 2008|09:07am] [ mood | nervous ] I was in Nowra on my weekend visiting Patrick.............yes back to calling him Patrick for the moment LOL. We had a few too many drinks and while I was we were hanging out I found something on his comp that I didnt like, it was just something silly and nothing that I myself have not done so I was a little upset and not cause he did it but because it made me think of the shit I went thru with the last guy and how much my judgement was off on him and how could I trust that this time my judgement was correct. I should say here Patrick has done nothing to really make me distrust him he has been awesome but since I trusted the last one and I was wrong how do I know trusting Patrick is right...............has my judgement come back to the correct conclusion..............I think it has if I look at the big picture and see what Patrick has done that is good and this small slip up which I have too been guilty of so its not that bad but when we were both drunk and it threw up all these old memories of the last dickhead I freaked! I began crying and thinking what the hell is going on so rather than sit there upset I confronted him with it and we discussed it................there was no yelling or swearing or nastiness (does nastiness have an I in it?) so I dont know whether or not I would call it a fight more of a disagreement and discussion, I told him stuff about the ex I hadnt told him before, not cause I was hiding it but because honestly who needs to hear shit about your new partners ex's! And Patrick hadnt heard this stuff before so his mistake was made abundantly clear how hurtful it could specifically be to me, he apologised which I accepted but told him I would get over seeing I too have done the same and its all good but then this will always be in the back of my head that I maybe wrong in trusting him. Again I dont think he has done anything wrong so if I think he hasnt why do I still think my judgement could be off, its not fair that I am still screwed up by the last c**t I hate it. My first instinct was to break up with Patrick and that way he wont hurt me if he does something that triggers a memory or I wont eventually get hurt which is what for some fucked up reason I believe should always happen to me. But I dont wanna run I like Patrick he is good and has made a mistake and was sorry and we both agreed to put it behind us and go forward it was discussed and over and done with and made up. I am trying to get my head around it still a little but not for anything Patrick has done more for the fact do I trust myself to let him into my life, he is still asking to meet my parents and I am still a little reluctant but perhaps its what I need to do for myself to show I can open up again. Hmmm Im so fucked LOL 2 comments|post comment

slack ass am I [13 Nov 2008|09:51pm] [ mood | excited ] I have been busy and so so tired lately. I went out to see my gorgeous Niece Mali and my too bloody cute nephew Iszak and I love them so dearly but man i dont know how Rahni does it! She is truly amazing. Iszak is almost 2 and Mali is 2months old and Rahni is so well managed with them. She isa  fantastic mum and is so involved with both of them I dont know how she manages it with such ease. I admire her for it I can hardly handle a cat half the time let alone 2 kids LOL I am off to visit Patrick on my weekend off see some more of his place and of him LOL I am liking him heaps and we are still seeing how things go but its looking good. They posted a flyer in the staffrooms at work regarding our staff christmas party! I am seriously so excited about it, I have always worked at the smaller club where we didnt really have enough staff to have a christmas party lol so apparently Canterburys christmas parties are awesome and very well done so I have prewarned Patrick and I believe he is going to attend with me..........yay (this is gonna sound so girly but) it will be the first function we attend together so its very exciting LOL 2 comments|post comment

Random girly thoughts [02 Nov 2008|09:35pm] [ mood | optimistic ] Patrick is going to Melb for a week to some family gathering thing for Melb cup day and I hope he has a good time. I told him I wouldnt contact him for the time he was away so he could just concentrate on the family thing and have fun. The thing is I want him to call or text me but I just dont wanna call or text him first! I know sounds stupid but I want him to want to contact me and not just contact me cause he is returning my contact! Does that make sense...........LOL I figure if I say I will just see you when you get back and then not contact him and at some random time while he is away he contacts me it means he is thinking of me, and may even miss me, so I hope he does contact me...........but then again if he listens to me and just contacts me when he gets back then not only would it have backfired but also in a good way means he has listened to me LOL I dont know this girly fucked up logic is stewpid LOL post comment

random photos from Nowra [02 Nov 2008|09:30pm] ( Read more... )</div>    </div> 5 comments|post comment

excitment [21 Oct 2008|09:59pm] [ mood | rejuvenated ] I am off to the Patricks place for the weekend, my weekend not the normal weekend. Im excited to see his place and what his life is like down there and perhaps meet some of his friends and family down that way. post comment

Bad stupid girly thoughts! [14 Oct 2008|07:17pm] [ mood | gloomy ] I know I am being irrational but sometimes I just cant help it! I know the fireman likes me I know he has family issues at the moment which are more important and need sorting out first and I know he is also working overtime but fuck I hate the fact I cant see him whenever I want to! I know he is in Sydney today he had to go get his mum from hospital and help her out at home, I know all this but I wish I had a chance to see him today, but I am trying to be understanding and keep out of his hair so he can sort out his stuff without extra worries from me in there and the logical rational side of me understands this and is fine with it, we never made plans for today it was just a if he can get things done he will call me thing we both agreed on that but I just wish he would call or make time for me I miss him and wanna see him and the fact he has to do this other stuff first is annoying but has to be done, I just want to see him! I feel sad that I cant see him right now and that he cant come over tonight which makes me start to think he dont like me, which is silly cause he has said enough and done enough to tell me that he does like me and wanna see me but its just the stupid worries of a silly hormonal girl thinking right now. I just want him and I will get there eventually. post comment

Doing my head in! [12 Oct 2008|10:45pm] [ mood | contemplative ] I like the firemen but he does my head in sometimes! LOL he says so many things which make me think he likes me then goes all quiet at times and makes me think he dont like me, so I ask and then he calls me silly for asking when he says ofcourse he does! Am I just being silly and too girly thinking?? post comment

So slack lately [11 Oct 2008|10:51am] [ mood | horny ] I have been such a slack ass lately with updating anything but here goes. I have been still hanging out with the fireman...........wait have I been using his real name yet or not I forget LOL  It chops and changes depending on how close I want to feel to him at the time or how scared of being close to him I am feeling more like it, so we will call him firetrick or should we say patman???? LOL You decide! ( Read more... ) post comment

ok Ive been slack LOL [04 Oct 2008|11:25pm] [ mood | lethargic ] I have been so slack with updating and I hate myself for it! Not only cause I know there are sssssooooooooo many people out there reading my journal and wondering what the hell is going on in my life LOL but more for the fact I forget things easily so I should really write it all down in my journal to remember LOL Things are going well with work, they are changing my roster and the latest shift I will be finishing is 9pm so that is good I guess LOL at first it freaked me out cause I am so used to working night shift but then I thought again hello it means more time with the fireman...............who is now back to being called Patrick his real name LOL Oh no the puppy has been named LOL We have been seeing a bit more of each other and it is becoming serious I think, I admitted to myself and to him I like him and that I wanna see us head that way and said I felt like I was getting the impression he felt the same way and was I wrong about that or not? He said I wasnt wrong its just gonna be hard with the distance thing but we will sort something out and see how it goes. We have discussed that if things go well and its just a we will see thing for now that if in the 6months when my lease runs out that I move there if we are still going and going strong, seeing he has the better important job, even though its easier for him to transfer to Sydney than it would be for me to move there, its more of an ideal job for him there and its harder to transfer back there if he does move back to sydney then in the long term we decide to move out of sydney again. Sides Im great worker I  can pull beer anywhere LOL. so yeah but that is jsut a hypothetical at the moment. post comment

still freaking out [28 Sep 2008|10:58pm] [ mood | confused ] I dont know what the go is, I hate the fact I cant see Patrick alot and I hate the fact he is so far away but most of all I hate the fact I am so confused as to what he wants and what is the go with us or if there is an us! he threw me for six with him saying he wanted to meet my parents and I dont know how to react to it. I didnt think he liked me that much or in that way and now I dont know if I should ask him what the go is. So confused I just want to see him! I sound like such a stupid ass girl in love! but Im not in love I like him and want to see if we can make something of us and our time together its just hard. post comment

[22 Sep 2008|09:45pm] [ mood | indifferent ] Not up and online just yet but currently out at Rahni's place and seeing we are like famiily I can lounge online and do shit while she is off doing other shit.........man you gotta respect that kinda friendship. Hadnt seen the fireman for a few weeks due to our work schedules and family commitments etc but managed to catch up last night. the first night we actually had each other to ourselves with none around it was awesome and not just for sexual reasons either you dirty minded bastards LOL it was just good to see him and hang out. I dont know what was going on with us so I was still just thinking we were just seeing how things are going tween us, yet we have now moved forward i think in our friendship/relationship or whatever it is we call it we have started having sex and although it is good I am not trying to think to much into it. He brang me out to Rahni's place today and met Aunty Jeanne and Nathan and got to see Mali who is just gorgeous by the way! And tonight chatting to him he says he is glad he is getting to meet some of my friends/family and that they are cool and he said he would like to meet my parents! Yes hello freak out LOL I had said all along not doing the meet the parents thing with him as I didnt think it would get serious but now he asked to mee them! I said its ok but be warned they are not normal but we will sort something out soon but it would work both ways I would wanna meet his parents too! I thought with hearing that he would say no and that would mean we were not getting serious right! but he said cool he would like that! Freak! Ok maybe this guy is good for me then cause he seems as freakish as me LOL  so we will see how things go. It may be heading to more freak out mode in the future if he does meet my parents LOL 3 comments|post comment

[19 Sep 2008|09:29pm] I wonder sometime about the intelligence of people who are hired by big companies to serve the public, I do understand that the general public don’t know a great deal about the products that they want so do need the assistance of the staff but when I walk into a Telstra store point out to the staff member the exact product I want and explain why I want it, that I have had it before I know how it works I know it will be compatible with my computer and just ask to pay for it, they then try talk around all this other complicated bullshit asking me all these questions and don’t get anywhere really but then end up back at the original choice as my best option! I mean hello that is what I just said to you in the first place dickhead, so they agree with me and then give me my item and I leave the store, I get home to unpack it and set it up and what do you know they gave me the wrong bloody modem! I ring them straight back and explain the situation I describe the one I asked for and then describe the one they gave me and they say yes it is the wrong one you need! Well hello I been telling you that and you still fucking get it wrong dick for brains! So now long story even longer LOL I have to take the wrong modem back and get the correct one which I had asked for and talked them into in the first place! Gees people bother me! On another note I had a religious lady abuse me yesterday! She asked me if I would like to talk about Jesus with her and I politely said no thanks Im not religious Id rather not talk about religion! No she says Im not talking about religion Im talking about Jesus! Um ok not being religious I may have missed a few things with the whole movement but isn’t Jesus a big part of religion??? He was when I was trying to sleep through scripture classes anyway, so I just keep trying politely to get rid of her I don’t wanna be too rude but she just wont shut up about it so I just say listen I don’t believe in it and I would appreciate not having your views forced upon me! Then she has the hide to ask me why am I angry? Im not angry I am just bothered by the fact that if I was to go around forcing my non beliefs on people I would get in shit but its ok for them to walk around forcing theirs onto me! Uh UH no fucking way! I just say listen love go away don’t talk to me leave me the hell alone! She gets all flustered and starts ranting on about how I am an evil person and how I am never gonna live forever in the kingdom of the lord or so crap and that I must be going to hell or blah blah blah bullshit so I just snap at her and yell well you know what darling I would rather die and spend an eternity in hell than listen to one more second of your bullshit now fuck off! She went off down the street a little white and praying to herself for me LOL. Fuckers! post comment

[16 Sep 2008|09:29pm] I ended up unpacking till about 2am this morning. I am feeling a little more at home now I have some personal items up, I have my photos on my wardrobe like I usually do have and then some framed photos around the place now so it feels much better. I went up to see Chook today and help put up the swing seat and then Muzza took me to go get Miss Isis from the vets, she has a little holiday there while I do the move. I spoke to the vet about her going to the bathroom in my room and why she would be doing it and the fact she had been real naughty lately and bit clingy to me, I explained the situation regarding the living situation and the vet said that its likely she was acting out because she is either stressed knowing the move was happening or she was scared to go out of the room perhaps something had happened to her while I was not at home, perhaps the dog got her and she was too scared to go out there again. Anyways we are home now and she is settling in a bit, she likes to wander around sniffing the joint out and then run back to me every few minutes just to check up on me get a pat then off she runs again. I also went today and got my new tattoo! Nothing huge but it is meaningful to me! I got my new niece Mali’s name on my right wrist. $80 for 15minutes worth of pain! LOL It hurt heaps this one, the others were painful and then went numb and didn’t feel anything at apart from ticklish after the outline but this one being on my wrist and possibly more sensitive part that it hurt like hell all the way thru it. I was so tired this afternoon I napped on the lounge thru the movie Zodiac, this movie is about the Zodiac killer who I love all these crime stories especially if I know they are true but this is the 4th time now I have started to watch this movie and the 4th time I have fallen asleep thru it LOL its not a bad movie but because it’s a little documentaryish I get a little bored and nod off, but this time I blame the long day yesterday LOL I also got my first piece of mail today at my new place, got a congratulations on the new home card from my Aunty Shirley, she is an awesome lady still writes me a letter every week. This card was posted to me and congratulating or wishing me well on the move but it was written to Samantha Isis and Patrick LOL. The fireman has got a mention already and I don’t even know if we are dating LOL poor Aunty Shirley I think she is so desperate for a family wedding she jumps the gun at times! But I still love her so. post comment

Day of move! [15 Sep 2008|09:27pm] The movers arrived early and even though I was only just waking up when they did arrive thank the lord for the creation of V and Redbull otherwise the day would have been shithouse! So they packed up everything into the truck and they even let me make a pitstop and drop some stuff off at my parents place before coming to the new place. Muzza spent most the day with me and even though we clash a lot I love the fact he helped me even if he did infact drive me insane by the end of the day LOL. Got stuck into unpacking and I say I am about ¾ way thru it all. I had Jason and Renee come over for dinner which most people wouldn’t want visitors the very first night in the new place I welcomed it! And was so very grateful that they were here cause yes I got a text message off the old housemate abusing me for the state of which I left my room! Even though we had agreed that I could just pack up and move and return the next day to clean, I was told I was a bad friend I should have done it before hand and blah blah blah but I guess we only see what we wanna see cuase the part of the reason why the place was so bad as she put it was due to her actions and the way she treated Isis my cat! She would lock my cat in my room with no access to the litter tray which leaves Isis no choice but to go when and where she has to so the room had been pooed in and peed in and it had a bit of a smell to it. I cleaned the mess when I found it and scrubbed the carpet and deoderised it but because she was continually locked in there while I was at work even though I would leave my door open she had to do it many times in there. So no matter what I say or do she wont see the error of anyone elses ways except mine so fuck it I have no fight left in me to go against her I just told her I cant say anything that will make her happy so do whatever! I haven’t heard anything from her since I wouldn’t start a fight or retaliate to her messages so looks like I have lost a friend but perhaps its not one I should be too worried about. post comment

This is now the last post LOL [09 Sep 2008|09:00pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] I am feeling a bit content thankyou very much LOL. I have been cleaning and packing my shit all day with some help from my oldies Chook and Muzza and although exhausted I feel great. I have packed a bag with undie and bras and socks and work stuff to last me this week and then a change of clothes for moving day and everything else sides that is all packed up! Only thing left to do is dismantle the computer and the tv stereo dvd etc and I am done! Sweet feeling! Getting excited about moving into my own place now 2 comments|post comment

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