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I've been a major slack ass! - zildjian77

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February 22nd, 2011


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06:12 pm - I've been a major slack ass!
So so so long since I have even had time let alone thought about doing a post and to be honest I have missed it so much!
Im not even sure if I know how to use half the features any more LOL.
So whats been happening with me since the last post..........WELL 

  did get the new job role I wrote of last.......Its called WSA and it is a great job I love it...........there is a new roster change coming up in a few weeks and I have been given 4 shifts a week of this WSA role....3 of them on the NEW gaming floor which is opening soon, I am excited yet nervous about this new role on the new gaming floor because it will be unsupervised for the majority of the shift and I will be instructing and insuring the staff who are in the new gaming area actually do their roles and do them successfully. Big step for me in the right direction........shows I guess that I am trusted and believed I can handle this role.

It is coming up for almost a year since the bad break up with Anfey and I have been on a major rollercoaster ride of emotions and situations since then.......Not sure if I posted last time that he is engaged and got engaged approx month or 2 after breaking it off with me. I spent a few months dealing with a bad bad case of depression and low self esteem. I did months of therapy and self help and I made it through the otherside pretty successfull.
At times I do not know how I managed to keep going cause all I wanted to do was cry and feel like shit, but I never missed a day of work cause I had this theory that if I didnt keep going to work and attempting that everything was alright then I would never get better........it was so hard because at the time he was still working with me at the club and every time I saw him and he wanted to be friendly it was like it was happening all over again and it was so very hard to see all the people at work looking at me with that look knowing everything that was going on.......the only thing I hate about working hospitality is that everyone wishes to know everyone elses business......I kept everything that happened to between me and him breaking up to myself cause I didnt need anyone at work knowing more than they needed to.......I had a great bunch of girls at work and outside who pulled me through the darkness.......who made me smile when I thought I would never do it again and who would just let me sit and cry or talk to them if I needed to...........One girl in particular Maria was the best to me cause I had only met her a few times at work before and a mutual friend Ana who was fantastic to me at the time too made me go out one night with her and Ana and it was the best thing anyone had ever done for me......I got to know Maria and meet another friend Silvy and these 3 girls would call me at all times to check on me or to let me talk it over, they dragged me to a comedy club each week to teach me to laugh again and they gave me the best kind of friendship I had come across in a long time......they were there for me through worst times and are still here now!
I also found and adopted myself into a new family LOL one of the girls who used to work at the club with me Chelsea (who also had gone to school with Anfey) really helped me too, she made me start hanging out with her and her sister and mother and really gave me a hell of a lot of support when I needed it.....they immediately invited me in and gave me love and insisted I was now family, they would invite me over and feed me when I used to forget to feed myself and I love all 3 of them so much. I gained a new mum in Laana and a new baby sister in Chelsea and a middle sister with Kelly! I became the eldest child the for once and I am off to USA with them this May, I dont know how I would have gotten through with out that new family support too!
I had my usual friends and family support too and not to make them seem like they did nothing but they did all they could from their places in Australia and I love them none the less. My parents Chook and Muzza have met my new mum and sisters and are glad and thankful that they have helped me as much as they have,

What else.......well appart from coming through the shit I went through I have grown a bit, I have not been serious with anyone since Anfey and not really wanted to have been, I have had my male friends to keep me satisfied and I have had a stalker LOL of sorts......one of the guys I went to highschool with got back in contact with me and I realised it was the guy I would have done anything to have been with in school......well he wanted to start a relationship just one small problem was that he is married and has a kid....so nope! I am down and feeling bad about myself at that time but I still had some morals and didnt get involved in it.........there is a hell of lot more that can be said about that but all that needs to be said is that I told him not to contact me ever again cause he was playing with my head and making me worse and everynow and then he contacts me screws me over again and then dissappears..........maybe I am destint to have assholes in my life always LOL

I have gotten better and this past week I meet someone who I have developed a crush on.......its nothing major or more than a crush and I doubt it will go any further than flirtation and crush on my part but I am having fun feeling good about myself again finally.....I think I deserve to be happy.....wow I think thats the first time in a fucking long time I have felt that let alone said that about myself and I am going to allow this flirtation to continue as long as I can and see what happens with it..........I dont want it to go to anything more I think nor have I wanted to tell anyone about it as it is someone from work :( and I know I shouldnt get involved in the work side of relationships again but I will just allow it to be fun nothing more

I also have a new housemate James who is a guy from work and it is going well so far despite people from work think he is weird and insane he aint too bad. Just needs a mate while he is going thru the bad shit in his life.

 



Current Location: Home
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Foo Fighters "times like these"

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