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September 14th, 2012

07:44 pm - over it
This last 4 weeks have been some of the hardest to get through in my entire life.
3 deaths in 4 weeks and there is another impending.
I hardly had the time to grieve over the first unexpected death when the next one hits me.
I have had to be so strong for my family and friends that I put all my worries and grief aside and its affected me more than I thought it had. I got sent home from work wednesday and made me take 2 days off cause they were concerned for me having known the stuff I have gone through these past weeks. I am bored out of my mind at home and I wouldve rather had worked but I guess if I kept working I wouldve just put off the process of it all.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious

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October 19th, 2011

01:49 am - confusion
not sure if I should post this but ah fuck it LOL
I have just started seeing someone new and he informs me that he has a prince albert piercing.......Im curious yet scared LOL
I have never been with a guy who has a piercing and I need a bit of advice or tips on how to handle this piercing............mainly in the oral sex part I am confused or concerned that it might get in the way or I might god forbid choke on it LOL if that is possible.......

Anyone had any experience with it??

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March 8th, 2011

09:53 pm - Bull

Well I got what I wished for I guess.........I landed the new guy at work..........just was myself and ended up hooking up with him....but it just sucks cause I actually started to like him and it appears he was just after a fuck..........which would have been fine with me had he not started saying it was more.............why cant people just say what things really are.........yeah I like you enough to have sex with you but not to get to know you LOL id be fine with that but no he had to go and be all no its serious then never bother contacting me idiot....

I do feel a bit better in the fact that all the young pretty skinny girls at work are all over him and me the fat weird girl got him first..........sloppy seconds anyone bitches!

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February 25th, 2011

01:12 am - Crush
I am bouncing up and down cause I have a crush on one of the guys at work............I like him but dont know him that well to really like him but I am enjoying the fun of it at the moment.............but the thing that worries me is I dont wanna like him incase it leads to somewhere as I dont know if I am strong enough to have another relationship let alone another one through work..
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: flirtyflirty
Current Music: The Screaming Jets "Shivers"

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February 22nd, 2011

06:12 pm - I've been a major slack ass!
So so so long since I have even had time let alone thought about doing a post and to be honest I have missed it so much!
Im not even sure if I know how to use half the features any more LOL.
So whats been happening with me since the last post..........WELL 

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Foo Fighters "times like these"

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August 7th, 2010

10:28 am - tired
I been so busy this week,working all office/banking shifts it does my head in but I do love the shift........may have to knock off the old chook Helen who I have been covering for when she comes back, knee cap her good knee after she has recovered from the surgery LOL
I been offered a new job role at work which is a little bit harder but a step up for me too.
It will involve instructing the other staff on duty that shift with me. I am training for it next week I think........nervous as they didnt advertise this new position they hand picked the staff they want so now I feel like I gotta be real good at it.
Last night I went to dinner with my adoptive mother and my new sisters LOL middle child and the baby! we went to HOOTERS it was cool! It was a fun place! And OMG the fried pickles fantastic!
Current Mood: sleepysleepy

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August 3rd, 2010

04:01 pm
It has been so bloody long since my last entry and in that time many things have happened.
Main thing is Anfey and I broke up and it did not end well.....for awhile.....we have been trying the friends thing and it hasnt been so far working out but we are trying it again now and we will see how it goes this time. Basically he started seeing a girl not too long after we broke up and it was one of the girls I was concerned about him seeing thou he promises nothing happened till after we had definately broken up it was still a shock and it has taken me sometime to forgive that and move on myself and get over him, I have been having some therapy sessions to help with this breakup and the stress that has been going on at work too.
Anyways since then I have moved on....not in a relationship but I am going out having fun and finding myself again....I am not seeing someone but more of just having a few friends on the side who I can turn to for these certain needs LOL
I have recently gotten back in contact with an old friend from school too and I have been enjoying catching up with him, I had a crush on him in school but nothing is happeneing between us now as he is married, despite being in an unhappy marriage he is still married and I would never do anything to ruin that.....he has said he is willing to leave it for me but I just gotta say the word but I wont he needs to make that choice for himself not for me. So we will see what the future will bring from that situation......16yrs have past between us since we last saw each other so another 6months or so wont matter.
I also applied for a supervisors position at work....I did not get it but I have shown the bosses that I am interested and now they are keeping their eyes on me.....not sure if that is a good thing LOL
I am getting there.....its taking me time but I am slowly getting back to me!
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: "Big Me" Foo Fighters

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April 26th, 2010

06:51 pm - getting there
it is definately over tween Anfey and I and there isnt much hope of us getting back together in the future......well that is what I need to tell myself. He says he is not sure if we can get over things as he is too hurt as am I but we do hope to become friends when we both can sort out our shit.
This week I am going back to the councillor to talk things through on how to deal with my attacks and my ex's. It went well last week and we will see how it goes this week. I am also going to get the contraceptive implant I had put in taken out as the hormones in that could be what is sending my attacks haywire.......hate hate hate needles and am so not looking forward to getting it removed but I wont be able to complain as much as I did when I got it put in especially since I got a new tattoo done today LOL

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April 19th, 2010

07:02 pm - a conclusion.......almost LOL
ok so we have fianlly or completley broken up.
We have had so many fights over the past week that we both cant keep doing this, I am jealous of everyone cause I dont feel like Ia m worty of having him that he is embarrassed of me, when he says he is not and I can tell he isnt, but my anxiety is making it hard for me to be myself.
I have booked in to get some councilling done so I can deal with my jealousy and my mistrust in my judgement, due to my bad past relationships.
Anthony and I spoke alot and turns out we dont hate each other we both still love each other but can not be together for now, and we are not sure if our future will still hold each other in it or not but for now he has to concentrate on study and I have to concentrate on getting well, helping myself and feeling more like my old self again. Then in a few months or when we both feel better we will catch up as friends and see how things go, but no hope means no dissappointment so for now if we see each other at work then we will say hello and chat.

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April 15th, 2010

08:15 pm - how do I stop freakin out???
last night anfey went up the coast for a uni mates birthday and he clearly met new people and chatted to many different people but he has chatted with some girl on facebook about meeting her and how it was good to meet her and what not and now I am freakin out that everytime he goes somewhere without me or meets new people he might do something again.
I feel bad for not trusting him 100% but its hard to not think he will do it again I have had every male cheat on me and I am so sure he will do the same.
How do I stop this shit from going thru my head......I feel so sad and depressed now that I cant trust him to do things on his own....I am scared I am going to loose him and I dont want to push him away with my constant worry. I dont want loose him but I am scared I am not enough to keep him.
I dont wanna ruin things as they are travelling ok at the moment but how do I keep it that way.
How do I stop thinking its going to happen all over again?

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